The Advocate

Webster’s dictionary defines an advocate as someone who speaks out or fights for another who cannot do so themselves. Advocates comes into play in many different arenas. I would argue that one of the most important opportunities for advocating is for your child. It begins early-at the doctors office, at school, especially when you have a special needs child.

My world has been special since 2007 when my first bundle of joy came into the world. He had a two vessel umbilical cord (sign of genetic mutation) and I had elected not to take the test to rule out things like trisomy 21. At one point, doctors were actually suggesting that I abort my child. However, my inner mother (or inner advocate) kicked in before that child was even born. I shut down those doctors. I told them that God was the only entity that would decide whether the child lived or died. Fast forward to today-my first born is completely healthy; however, he has high functioning autism. But why am I saying however? As Greta Thunberg has shown us, autism can be quite a skill, quite a benefit because they are able to see things others can’t. And the same is true for mine. He truly is a genius mathematically-he multiplies in his head at age 12 things I need to use a calculator for. When the school put him on an IEP in Kindergarden, he tested at a 12th grade level in abstract thinking.

However-he struggles socially.

Socially struggling includes his little brother who has loved him since the day he first laid eyes on him. However, the older one does not often return the sentiment. This can cause some problems of self love for the younger one. Hence the advocate.

Advocating for your child is important and what I love about advocation is that you can do it even when you are miles from your child (as I often am).

It is easy when the people your are advocating for your child with understand your position. However, what happens when people don’t know your life story? When they don’t know how important it is for your kid to see he can get that win (cause he deserves it) and you have to get extra assertive? Why is that so hard? Why do I feel like such a B afterwards? I know my child deserves my fight….yet…somedays I’m left thinking “Why today God?”

My son loves swimming. He wants to be on the swim team (he’s 7, so he has a while before he gets to high school). However, there is a club school that has a team if he can get there. He needs to make his way through the ranks and has expressed an interest in doing so. I can tell that he has a zest for life, that he wants more and to be pushed; however, I have to be careful not to push too hard. On the other hand, I am up against others in his life who don’t see the need to push him at all.

The swim company said that we needed to wait until the following week for him to go to the next level, at that point, because the following week would be the week they move everyone up. However, my son was supposed to have been moved up the previous week and he was not (because he was not with me). Mom advocate kicked in and I decided to put my foot down. This was not following their protocol and that did not make them happy. The fact that I had to push for what my son needed did not make me happy because I have a hard time feeling confident that the situation I am fighting for is worth the fight.

I have been reading about ‘THE SECRET ENEAGRAM” in a book Titled “The Road Back to You”. I determined that I am, at the very core of my being, a type 6 or a “loyalist”. Loyalists are always looking for a way to build safety into their environment without resolving their own emotional insecurities. Therefore, when a situation requires an unhealthy six to initiate a conflict, sixes tend to think that the conflict is not going to go well. So they go into the conflict with an assumption that it is going to end badly. As sixes learn to face their anxieties, however, they begin to understand that the world is always changing and uncertain and sixes can begin to become serene and courageous in any circumstance (including a situation where advocation is necessary).

What I am so grateful about, is that because I had read that book, I was able to stay calm and assertively advocate for my child who truly deserved to move up that day. He needed to see someone fight for him in that way. He needed to see that HE WAS WORTH fighting for. Because he is so much more than the kid that gives up his needs for his older brother.

Some days you just gotta take the win.